When you have a group of girlfriends, there's usually some single ones and some in a relationship. Last year, right around Valentine's day, my three closest girl friends at school all had boyfriends and all went out. And I lied in bed, watched movies, and felt sorry for myself. Today, I am at the same place as last year. My three friends all have boyfriends again, and I do not. And they all went out tonight with their boyfriends, and I did not. No, I did not go out with my boyfriend, I went out with myself.
I walked into the cafeteria, looked at all of the kids gathering around the buffet style Thanksgiving dinner and thought, fuck this. There was no way I was going to take this food and eat alone in the cafeteria or alone in my room.
I went back to the room, put on my black turtle neck sweater that makes me feel like I can't be touched. I don't know what it is about it, but I feel so confident in that thing. So I put it on, touched up my make-up, grabbed my bag and marched out the door. I drove to a little Italian restaurant down the street from my school, walked in and asked for a table for one. I sat down and had a nice little dinner. All by myself. An older woman waitress walked by and smiled, asking if I was treating myself. I smiled back and told her yes. She started nodding her head up and down, saying, "good for you, good for you". And seriously. Good for me.
I didn't have a book, or paper, or phone. I didn't need the company of anyone or anything else. For that moment, I was just happy with myself.
It's not even ten, and I think I might go to bed. I wish I had some red wine.
Oh, and this is the tattoo I want. Not the whole thing, just the girl.
I am so happy to be going home tomorrow. It will be so nice to see my friends from home. Especially Mattie, he has a new girlfriend and wants my "seal of approval".
I need a job. Desperately. I need money.
1 comment:
last sunday, i ate breakfast in the duc by myself, and it was just really nice. sometimes you just need that "me" time.
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